I had a harsh year.
It was my first year abroad and far away from my family. It was also my first year at uni and I thought it was going to be just like in the movies. Well I was right, sorta: I got the girl drama. You know that outspoken person, who needs the attention to constantly be on her, who acts as the leader and who claims to be a tomboy and dislike any girl drama. Well she was in my friend group, and I am basically the opposite: quiet and shy (at first), selfless, loyal, slightly socially awkward and very cheery. She made my life miserable during the second semester. I decided to keep on smiling and ignore the situation, and frankly, I never regretted that decision. I wasn't about to show her the impact she had on me. She came around after a while, but for me our friendship will never be the same.
Strangely, when reflecting back on this story, I realised that I actually learned a few lessons:
- I trust people too easily, and hence tell them stuff that maybe I should keep to myself.
- "You're such a pussy" she told me when I didn't want to down my beer, and I answered "too bad". I will never bow down to those kind of comments. Another friend who was there told me afterwards that she respected me for having said that "I would have downed that drink if she had told me that. I follow too much".
- I have no confidence. At least I know it. It might be linked to a bad experience in middle school or my few extra pounds. But at least I know I have a gorgeous smile, which always helps me get my way.
- I know what I am capable of: I can smile and stay cheery through a tough situation. I respect myself enough to not be influenced by such negative people.
- I need new friends. It's tough to make new friends during the school year, as we are separated into groups of 15 and the schedules differ. There isn't much contact with other people in our year. In my group, there are only 5 girls. Hopefully, next year we change groups. Otherwise I will suck up the first semester, and then make new friends when I go abroad the second semester.
- Shyness actually works. As I said earlier, I am shy and quiet, but I will always have an honest smile on my face. And that, guys actually really like. At first, they tended to hang more with my outspoken friend, but slowly they started getting along with me and appreciating me more (they told me).
- I need to watch out what I say and to who I say it. I am one of those people who needs to talk about things when they make me happy oTr sad. But I am going to tune that down, as apparently it's considered as gossiping. I'm sorry that when you tell me you "don't care about my story", that I might want to let out some steam with a friend.
- Fuck modesty. I am in a culture where modesty is key, and bragging is considered very rude. Well, I'm sorry, but I rock and you should know at what and why. But I won't over do it.
Next year will be different. Next year, I will be me. Hopefully the drama is over, and I will look back at these events laughing and think "that is so insignificant compared to what I'm experiencing right now".
XXX
Random New Girl
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