I babysit a lot, I've been a nanny every summer for the past three years (always the same family) and I noticed something: kids and teenagers are unable to occupy themselves. They always have some kind of a screen infront of them. It can vary from tv, to nintendo ds, to mommy's iphone or daddy's tablet. They just seem unable to distract themselves.
We go to a restaurant, they are all asking for the iPad or my phone. In the car, the same thing. Their mom packs toys and colouring books in their backpack, but they could honestly care less. All they want is the iPad. They then go on youtube and look up Mickey Mouse Playhouse (the kids are between 2 and 6) or else they play angry birds.
The other day I was at the beach, and two families with 3 kids each sat next to us. Straight away, the youngest one started crying for her iPad and the oldest asking for his gameboy. Then all 6 kids sat under the umbrella and watched a movie for the rest of the afternoon. Why go to the beach? And the parents didn't seem to care.
A their age, I used to play with a bucket in the sand or jump in the waves. At restaurants I would bring a few toys along and a colouring book. There were some rare occasions where I would play my "gameboy" (now called a nintendo), but that was usually at the end of family dinners. Considering I am from a French family, our dinners can last up to 5 hours (no joking), and that can be excruciating long for a kid. But even then, I would play with other kids.
So after a long week of only seeing the kids in front of their damn iPads, I decided to take action:
1. No more taking the IPad without asking. I would be working on something, leave it on the bed for 20 seconds, and when I came back, it would have disappeared. So I told them: I need to work on the IPad, and I don't like it when you take it without asking. So from now on, you need to ask.
2. No screens during the day. No TV, Nintendo, iPhone, iPads whatever. None of those are to be seen. Even I would follow that rule. It was tough the first day, but then I busted out a treasure hunt, colouring books and a homemade car, and they completely forgot about it.
3. TV only after dinner, for 40 minutes max. It's part of their bedtime to watch Dora or Diego before going to bed. So we kept 40 minutes after dinner, before brushing their teethes, where they could watch whatever they wanted. Plus it calms them down.
4. Praise and charts. I made a chart for each kid, where there were different "chores", and if they did them well, they got a smilie face. Along with "brushing teeth", "putting away clothes" and "throw away plastic dishes", I added: "lasted a day without asking for a screen". If they had only smilies on the chart, then after 3 days, they got a special surprise (movie night with popcorn, a little gift, a small party etc). Along with that, I praised them every time I put a smilie on their chart.
5. Books. Colouring books, pop-up books, reading books, books with pictures... I brought along with me quite a few books, their mom bought a few more, and we initiated them to books. Slowly they were more asking for books in the car than the iPads.
6. Limited computer time. This is mainly for older kids. I don't believe in tracking what your kids are doing on Internet, but I do believe in limiting their time on it during the day. Last year, I took care of a 14 year old for a whole 2 months. The first week he was constantly on his computer, playing games and going on Facebook. I could understand that he was bored, as he was the oldest kid in his family (the others were 2, 4, and 7 years old). But it was getting out of hand: I didn't know if he was on the computer for his homework or just to play. After some arguing, he was to do his homework sitting next to me 1 hour after he got home from school (like this he gets a bit of down time: eat, rest, hang with friends etc. But no computer). After his homework was done, he was to leave his laptop on the table, and he would only get permission to take it after dinner, at 8pm (his bedtime is at 10pm). Then at 10 pm, Internet was switched off. It actually worked pretty well.
7. Offer activities. To keep on going with my story about the teenager and his computer, I also (with his parent's permission) signed him up for tennis. He was put in a group with other teens his age and actually started to love the sport and make new friends. He know spends more time at tennis than on his computer. Otherwise there are other activities to propose: dance, football, volleyball, track and field, art classes, language classes (a bit boring), hockey, paintball (boys love that, but can be pretty expensive), rugby, soccer, music etc. Usually schools offer after school activities, but some people might feel more comfortable with things that are unrelated to their school (the other students, the teachers, feeling judged etc).
8. No electronics at the table. Personally, that rule comes naturally for me: I never have my phone at the table. I thought it was common sense, as it's one of the only moments where the family is reunited during the day. But I see so many people, not only teenagers, with their phones at the table. You don't have to switch it off, just keep it in your pocket. Dinner takes, what, 30 minutes? You can disconnect from your phone for 30 minutes.
Those were a few rules I applied throughout my nannying experiences. But I was lucky: the kids were well behaved, they listened and actually did what I told them to do. And my teenager wasn't as rebellious as the others. I still am baffled whenever I see that a 2 year old is capable of using my iPhone and actually needs it to distract himself. Aren't those what barbies and legos are for?
XXX
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